Who am I?

What am I doing?

Is this really me?

What if I forget myself?

There’s no time.

Never enough time.

But wait.

I’m still breathing.

There’s always time.

To allow me

to be ME.

And so I opened up my laptop, clicked on a new Word doc, and just started typing. I still remember that first story. It was a paranormal romance, something about a bodyguard to the Muses, banished to the “real world” by Aphrodite who ends up falling in love with a mortal woman who also happens to be a descendant of Aphrodite. Yeah. Not very original and full of plot holes left to right. I stutter-started three times, each effort worth about 100 pages before I realized the problem was too deep to be salvaged. BUT. I loved every minute of it. The writing. The discovery. The creation. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt 100% in control.

I know some people say you should write to your audience, to let others in, to give back, to get out a message, to entertain. But I disagree with this a little. I think the more important thing to remember is you need to write for YOU. Satisfy yourself first before worrying about satisfying a reader. If you don’t love what’s on the page, how will anyone else?

Today is my birthday and I feel like this is a full circle type moment. I can look back over the past two years and see what roads I’ve taken, what words I’ve written, what characters I’ve created. For me. And today, while getting hit with all sorts of epiphanies, I heard a song that sums up everything about my current WIP that I’ve been missing. I have this album. It’s a beautiful, haunting album. I encourage you to give it a listen on iTunes or YouTube or go to the closest music store and check it out because there are so many songs on it that say everything I want to say in a much simpler, purer way.

And yeah, I don’t really have a point to this post…just wanted to say it’s a pretty amazing feeling when things feel like they’re clicking into place. Sometimes it doesn’t take much. Sometimes it only takes a whisper of a melody to remind you what you set out to do.

So I got this crazy idea last week (as if that NEVER happens to me, right?) to make a more conscious effort of getting physically fit. You see, I’ve been feeling rather sluggish lately. And while it could be the weather or the late night writing sprints that are pushing my energy levels to the max, I realized it probably had more to do with diet and activity.

Truth is, for about 120 hours a week, I live a very sedentary lifestyle (this estimate includes time spent at my day job, writing at home, and sleeping). And while I wish I could be more active during my writing time, I’ve learned it’s pretty hard to type on the computer while running, biking, swimming, lifting weights, or really doing anything that involves more than wiggling my fingers at the keyboard. It’s also very easy to fall prey to late-night Sour Patch Watermelons, chocolate, and coffee.

So to combat this downward spiral, I started a new workout program on Saturday: P90X. It’s a monster of a program which will require me to commit to not only the workout regimen, but also the nutrition plan. I’m doing the Lean version so my first workout was with the Core Synergistics DVD. Let me tell you, I about DIED with a move called SUPERMAN BANANA:

Don’t let this silly name fool you!

The SUPERMAN BANANA is in no way a superhero nor a potassium-rich treat. No, no, my friends. This move took down my name and slapped me senseless, all while reminding me to stay hydrated. I was beyond sore the next day. But no rest for the wicked! On Sunday I did the Cardio workout and, again, SUPERMAN BANANA laughed in my face, along with his friend WACKY JUMPING JACK.

Anyway, I can honestly say that today, my body HATES me.

BUT.

I already feel more alert (although it could be the Motrin), and my muscles (although screaming like a little girl) are thanking me for using them again.

Now, I’m not promoting P90X or getting money from them or anything like that (and as a disclaimer, if you’re ever going to take up a fitness program, you might want to check in with your doctor first), but this program got me thinking more about writing and how SIMILAR it is to any kind of extreme fitness regimen (for obvious reasons, I’m using P90X as an example):

P90X is a 90-day program. You’ll see results if you commit to the fitness AND the nutrition side of the program.

Writing is a commitment. This isn’t a secret. But you can’t just slap some words on the page and call it day. You have to commit to both the writing AND the revisions if you want to see a cohesive story form.

P90X relies on something called “Muscle Confusion,” where essentially it’s mixing up the workouts every day to the point where your muscles don’t have a chance to plateau.

Writing uses a different kind of “Muscle Confusion,” where essentially your brain needs to be open to the unplanned actions of your characters so they don’t seem static or one-dimensional.

P90X offers 12 different kinds of workouts ranging from Yoga to Shoulders/Chest to Cardio to Abs to Kenpo (kickboxing-like moves). It concentrates on all the major muscle groups as well as elements you wouldn’t necessarily consider in a sweat-producing regimen for a package that’s fun, full of surprises, and complete.

Writing has loads of steps — outlining, drafting, revising, revising, revising, querying, etc. You have to concentrate on the macro elements to your story (story arch, character development, plot threads, etc.) as well as the “smaller” details (active words, tight sentences, grammar, formatting, etc.) for a package that’s fun, full of surprises, and complete.

If you cheat in P90X, you’re not going to get the results you set out to accomplish.

If you cheat in writing (sloppy writing, sending out queries before you’ve finished the MSS, not revising enough, not writing at all!), you’re not going to get the results you set out to accomplish.

P90X produces a lot of sweat and tears. It’s important to eat right, stay hydrated, and BREATHE or your body will cry mutiny.

Writing produces a lot of sweat and tears. It’s important to eat right, stay hydrated, and BREATHE or your body will say ” Screw you, fancy Writer Pants!”

Bottom line is this: You don’t get by easy. If you don’t put in the hard work with your story, characters, research, craft, etc., how do you expect to see results? The simple answer is: You don’t.

I’ll keep y’all posted with my P90X progress. I’m really hoping that in addition to toning my body, I’ll be toning my mind and increasing my stamina and overall energy level. And my writer’s goal is to write a book (at least the first draft and one round of revisions) within this 90-day time line. Hopefully I’ll make it to then…? WISH ME LUCK!

I’m going to FAST DRAFT.

If you’re not familiar with FD, it’s basically Candace Havens’ two-week writing boot camp where the main goal is to pledge to write 20 pages a day. 20 pages X 14 days = 280 pages = 70K. That’s a whole YA book for me.

Now…it’s sort of a known fact that a fast draft is always going to look like crap on paper after the two weeks is up. It’s even worse than a first draft, if you can believe that. (I didn’t think there was anything worse than a first draft…but apparently I’m wrong.) BUT — at least there will be words that can be revised into something more coherent.

I plan on working on my new WIP (the psychological contemporary YA that I’ve only told a few people about). This will be my first attempt to write first-person present tense with dual narratives. I think when this is done I’ll either be found wandering the streets with oily hair while muttering nursery rhymes to myself, or dead. It’s 50/50 at this point.

If you want to learn more about this session’s Fast Draft, check out Bria Quinlan’s post. (And if you don’t already follow Bria, you should. She has a lot of great ideas to help writers, plus she’s one of the sweetest writers I’ve met.) You’ll need to join Candace’s yahoo group loop (it’s free), but once you’ve joined, you can see how everything works here:

FD intro: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Write_Workshop/message/107

Getting ready: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Write_Workshop/message/108

How it works: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Write_Workshop/message/109 (cut and paste then find/delete the error messages for easy reading)

The rules and getting started: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Write_Workshop/message/110

Good luck to anyone who decides to participate!

Okay, not really.

Truth? My mom suffered three strokes at the end of April. THREE! That’s crazy. She’s doing better now, at the rehab center going on day number 19. She’s a strong, strong woman. Works hard in every therapy session. Even in her off time, she’s practicing her exercises so she can get better. There’s been lots of sweat, lots of laughs (mainly at the expense of her oh-so stylish hospital gowns), and lots of tears. LOTS of tears.

I asked Mom the other day, “Why don’t you rest for a little bit? Give yourself a break?”

Mom promptly replied with, “Because you don’t give up. Ever. And practice makes perfect.  Always.”

Cliche? Yes.

True? Absofreakinglutely.

If there’s a lesson I’ve learned from my mother’s recent ordeal, it’s that you grind your teeth through the pain and Just. Do. It. (Sorry, Nike.) Why? Because the payoff will be worth it.

I’m taking this advice to heart right now as I embark on my WWIII battle with my enemy: REVISIONS. To put it more specifically: THE RED PEN. THE RED PEN hates me. Really.

Want to see what I mean? Take a look.

My worry is that I might be a little too thorough with my red pen. Am I stripping my voice out? Am I really making it better? What if it’s crappier now than it was to begin with?

Don’t get me wrong. I understand and believe in the importance of revising your work to make it as perfect as you can. But how do you know when you’re done? There are a whole slew of articles on the interwebs about revising. Here are a few that I’ve looked at:

Nathan Bransford – Revision Checklist

Holly Lisle – How to Revise a Novel

Darcy Pattison – Novel Diagnosis series

I also have Elizabeth Lyon’s book, Manuscript Makeover, which has been helpful so far. It’s not one of those books where you have to read all the way through from cover to cover. She actually gives you permission to skip around and read the chapters that apply to the kind of revisions you’re doing. Pretty cool.

Seeing as how I’ve never really revised a novel before (I know, right?), I’m not going to give out tips since I have no tips yet. No, wait! I do have a tip. Oreos. And wine. I’ve found that eating Oreos and drinking wine (no dunking involved because eww!) have helped me keep my sanity. What’s left of it, that is.

What about you? Do you have any tips to add to the links I have above? I’m all ears.